Word to My Cousin

Warning: This post contains ample usage of the word butt. Normally, I would use words like bottom, rear end, hiney, bootie, or my personal favorite, bee-hind (not to be confused with behind). However, I felt that these words weren't strong enough for this post.

Dear Tammy,

You are an awesome cousin. Growing up, you were my older and hipper cousin and I looked up to you. You taught me many things - like how to apply make-up. But, most importantly, you introduced me to my first love. I am speaking of Rick Springfield, of course. By the way, I am so glad that I didn't marry him like I had planned. He didn't age very well.

I received the wonderful pictures that you took at your mom's birthday. There was only one problem. It seems that one of the shots had a couple of extra things in the picture. Surely, when you were taking the picture, you must have noticed a couple of extra butt cheeks in the shot. Really, all you had to say was, "hey, can y'all please move your butt cheeks out of my picture?" I feel quite certain that we would have obliged! But, no, you shot anyway and now our butt cheeks have been immortalized in a picture of your daughter. I hope you are happy.

Because you used to take your younger cousin to the Crossroads Mall to hangout and eat bars of white chocolate, I forgive you.

Love,
Donna
aka Mrs. Rick Springfield