The Demonic Baby

Jessica brought home this crazy baby last week.  It, seriously, cried every 15 minutes.  I think she named him Gavin, but I called him "The Demonic Baby."  My own babies did not cry this much, and they were much easier to soothe. 

Jess had to wear a wrist band with a magnet on it.  When the baby cried, she had to scan the magnet across the baby's back.  It would make a chiming sound.  The chiming sound was confirmation that the baby recognized Jessie as his mother.  If the baby cried for more than two minutes, then it was recorded somehow and the student would get a lower grade.  There were special bottles and diapers.  You had to burp, feed, change and cuddle your demonic baby.  Should you damage your demonic baby (or should your dog lose her mind and decide to chew up demonic baby) you must pay $675.

The day that Jess received Demonic Baby, we decided to run over to Costco.  Actually, I was reviewing the frameboards at the optical center.  Baby was set to turn on at 5:00, and it was 4:45.  I asked Jess to stay far away from the optical center while I worked.  At precisely 5:00 Demonic Baby began to scream, and Jess didn't quite know how to make him stop.  She went crazy during the time we were in Costco.  Many people thought it was real, and many people just stared at us like we were crazy.  It was so embarassing! 

The craziest part of our Demonic Baby experience was bedtime.  As I've said before, Jessica takes medicine for insomnia.  I was concerned that she would not hear Demonic Baby crying in the middle of the night, and I didn't want her to get a lower grade because of this.  I decided that DB would sleep in our room.  I would just bring him into Jessie's room when he cried.  Sounds easy enough.  Imagine Fred's surprise when he came to bed, and found me curled up in bed sleeping next to DB.  When DB sleeps, he breathes really heavy.  Fred woke me up to find out a) why DB was in our bed, and b) why DB was breathing like that - it sounded like he had a cold.  By the way, the instructions said that you weren't supposed to sleep with DB, because you could damage him.  I figured that I slept with my infants when they were 4 pounds, and I managed not to damage them, so I should be okay. 

I just want to go on record as saying that the flour babies are much easier!