Warning: These are my crazy ramblings. Feel free to skip them. Basically, I used our family blog as a forum to get my thoughts together. This post has allowed me to find a way to come to terms with all that I have been feeling for the last month. Just so you know, it could be a real snooze fest!
Have you ever been so tired that you can't muster up enough energy to even do the things that you love? I love to take pictures of my family. I love to blog. I love to work out. Have I been doing those things over the last month? No.
I am tired. I am physically tired. I am emotionally tired. And, sadly, I am spiritually tired. My testimony is strong. I know what I should be doing. I'm just too tired to get started. How did I get to this point?
As I've shared before, our marketing department went through drastic restructuring. A total of three people were let go. In addition, we have one person on maternity leave. One person is in our art department waiting for his projects to be assigned. We have two freelance artists that also wait for their work to be assigned. This leaves only two people doing the bulk of coordinating, organizing and assigning.
While it is exhausting and overwhelming, the work is rewarding. Definitely more rewarding than anything I've done in the past few years. I had fallen into a place where I did nothing but create power point presentations and coordinate catalog production. I am not sure if they weren't happy with me, or if they were trying to protect me. If I didn't grow, then I might stay out of the spotlight where all the heat was happening. I once asked to take on more, and I received additional administrative duties. Not the direction I was hoping for. However, there are no hard feelings. The fault only lies with myself for not pushing harder. I only have wonderful feelings for the people that have moved on. I wish them the best of luck in their new endeavors. And, I miss them dearly.
As happy as I am that I can use my brain a little more, I am tired. We've been told that the empty positions will not be filled this year. Part of me is relieved. I'm not ready for a new boss. That means more change. The other part of me is worried that we might not be able to keep up this pace for the next five months.
As for myself, I have to figure out a way to leave the fatigue at work. I feel like I have wasted a month of our valuable summer. I come home too tired to walk down to the pool for a swim. Too tired to cook. Too tired to play games. Too tired to work out (a known stress reliever). Too tired to read my scriptures or any other book, for that matter (also a known stress reliever). I have to get myself in the mindset that will allow me to be more productive at home.
I am making a promise to my family that I am going to find a way to be my old energetic self. We are going to celebrate and enjoy the remainder of our summer. We are going to have fun, and get back to doing memorable things together.
2 comments:
I appreciate your honesty! Sometimes just getting it out there is the best healing and help to move on. I think we all get in funks at times, and it's certainly not easy to get beyond it. Keep the prayers coming. "This too shall pass" as my mother used to always tell me. Good luck!
My dear Donna, this happens to everyone in life. Just say to yourself that you can do it, and I know that you can because of who you are. YOU CAN DO IT. I walked into my boss's office last week and quit my job because of all the stress involved. I was talked into staying through the summer, but your job is the least of your world. Enjoy your children and family while you are able to. I love you.
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