Restructuring

Warning:  Pity Party Alert!!!

The company that I work for decided to do some restructuring.  I was fortunate enough to survive the restructuring... for now.  I guess they didn't get the memo that I am not a fan of change, and that I have a tender heart.  My two immediate bosses were the casualties in the restructuring, and everything unfolded before our eyes.  The sight of these two people being reduced to packing their belongings into boxes pretty much sent me over the edge.  At some point, I think I was close to hyperventilating.  From there, I started muttering a curse word under my breath (I am not proud of that one).   Then, I think that I started praying out loud.  I'm really not sure what all I did.  We now have video surveillance in our office.  Hopefully, it won't be played back for me. 

Change is the pits, and I don't like venturing out into uncharted waters.  I have worked for this company for 15 years - my entire adult life.  I celebrated my first wedding anniversary, and had two babies while working here.  I think that is why I take it all so personally.  It isn't just a job for me.  My entire life is intertwined in this place, and I never should have let that happen.  There is also the fear that I could be next.  I could be the next one on the chopping block.  After 15 years, I have to start over proving my worth to the company.  What if I can't do it?  Just for the record, I don't work to bring in a little extra spending money.  I work to help pay the mortgage and put groceries on the table.

I have spent the entire day worrying about the people that lost their jobs, and for my own fate.  Now, I've decided just to go on.  Either I prove my worth, and they decide that I am an asset.  Or, they let me go, and I have the opportunity to branch out and learn something new.  Either way, it will be okay.